When you consider live-in care as a career, then this will inevitably be one question you ask. If you have joined one of the several forums on Facebook, then you will also have noted that many carers are divorced or separated. Does this bode well for your own relationship? Will it last? Should you choose a different career path instead?
So, will this job affect my personal life?
The truthful answer is yes it will. How much it affects your personal life depends on you and whoever you are in a relationship with.
Absence – makes the heart grow fonder or is it a case of out of sight, out of mind? With live-in care you will be living away from your family and friends for extended periods of time. They will not be able to visit you at your placement because you are not supposed to give out that information as part of their data protection. Often you will find yourself many miles away from your loved ones, you may even be in a different country.
So, can a relationship survive?
Many carers will tell you that yes, it can.
Be honest. For your relationship to survive your job, you must be honest and trusting – that means both people in the relationship. You need to be able to trust each other.
Communicate. You should be able to communicate with each other. This means talking to each other in a deeper way than ‘hello, how are things going?’ You need to be able to listen to your partner, and them to you.
Understand. Both partners need to be understanding about each other and the individual problems while the other is away. You may be having sleepless nights and night calls, but your partner may also be having problems when coping with everything on their own. Little wonder then that you start to get snappy with each other.
Careful with advice. Offering advice on a subject you know nothing about is simply a recipe for trouble, so is receiving advice about your job from a partner who knows nothing about night calls and Dementia. Neither party will be pleased to receive advice knowing that the other person does not know the subject. Better to be understanding instead of offering advice on how you would deal with things.
Consideration. If you know that your partner is at their busiest between 3 – 4pm then resist the temptation to call them and expect them to stop and talk. Make another arrangement where you can talk in peace. Maybe late in the evening works better for both of you. Most carers can find time for a quick call.
When you get home..
While it is great for you as a live-in carer to finally be home with your loved ones, you should realise that your new world is not their world. The two are miles apart. While you felt so pleased when you managed to get your client to eat a decent meal, your family are simply not that interested. It is an unfortunate truth that your job and your home life don’t mix.
Friends may ask you how it went on your new placement. What they really want to hear is that while you were tired and often sad at being away, you did in fact manage, will return to the job, and are home to enjoy their company! Keep your work separate from your life when you are home and enjoy being a part of your family again until you leave for your next placement.
A relationship can survive live-in care. It takes hard work and understanding from both parties to make it work, but then is this not exactly what makes any relationship work?
To sum up
The answer to the question is yes, a relationship can work. You will find people along the way who have had bad relationships and you should try to not let them influence you. Your relationship will be stronger if you build it on trust and understanding – and by enjoying the time you have when you are together!
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