As you go through your career as a live-in carer you will hear this phrase often. Other carers may post statements like this on the carer forums, and the comments will be many and of varied opinions.
So, what does this mean?
Often the people who are the closest to your client, such as family and good friends will be reluctant or unwilling to accept that their beloved person is approaching death.
You, as the live-in carer will have a better idea of the state of your client than most of them will and unless they visit every day for several hours at a time, they are unlikely to see your client in various stages of health and unhealth as you will.
You will see your client from the moment they wake up until the moment they fall asleep, possibly even during the night. That means that you will see the many ups and downs they go through. You will recognise the degree of deterioration in health and you will see the approaching end long before the family do.
When people are in denial, they are often scared to face the fact that their beloved mom or dad is not going to be there for much longer. Most people do not want to accept that they will soon be without that person.
It is far easier to keep telling oneself that things are ‘looking up’ than to accept that someone is nearing death.
There is another reason why it may appear that other people are in denial. When they visit, your client does their best to ‘put on a brave face’ even though they may be in pain, tired or depressed.
When the family arrive to visit, they will muster everything they can to make sure that no-one sees the bad side. This will literally boggle your mind when you see how well they look when people visit, only to simply collapse as soon as visitors have driven away.
Often a visit will mean that your client is exhausted for several days afterwards. Family will leave with the idea that mom or dad is doing just fine, when in fact things are not going well.
This is also the reason why it often comes as a huge shock when your client passes away. They have simply not expected it after seeing them in relatively good health a few days ago.
What to do about denial
Depending on your relationship with the family, you may or may not be able to have a frank discussion with them. No one is going to thank you for telling them that you think their dear one is close to the end.
If you feel you can speak honestly and without treading on any toes or injuring feelings, then be tactful and put your point across.
If you do not feel comfortable doing this, then you may want to keep your feelings quiet and take care of your client as best you can.
Whatever you choose, this is an extremely sensitive subject and requires the most amount of tact and diplomacy that you can muster. You may be better in the long run, to let them think their own thoughts and only give your opinion when it is asked of you.
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