While you and your client may have a great relationship when you are on your own together, things may change completely when a third person arrives on the scene.

Suddenly, your lovely client starts to treat you like a servant. Worse, she may even become verbally abusive and condescending, making you feel decidedly uncomfortable, not to mention annoyed.

Why does this happen?

Most of the time this unpleasant situation happens when a third person appears. Your client, who up to now has been your only focus, is now not the center of attention. Someone else has arrived and the conversation subtly changes to them.

The nitty gritty of the situation is that your client may become a little jealous when they are not the focal point. They may start to ‘act up’ to attract that attention back to themselves instead of on the visitor or – worse – you.

They may start to feel threatened, as if the situation now changes to two people against them. People who have some mental issues will consider more than one person a threat to them.

Your client may also feel insecure because you are no longer giving all your attention to them, every minute of the day. Suddenly, your attention is divided, and they feel a little afraid that their needs may not be met.

What can we do about this?

The easiest thing in this situation is to exit the scene. Make a cup of tea for your client and the visitor and leave the room. If you let them know that you will be in your room, available if needed, your client may feel that the equilibrium has been restored.

This unpleasantness may not happen every time a third person appears. Sometimes your client will even welcome you to stay, although you should always be prepared to leave them alone. After all, the visitor is coming to see your client, possibly not you.

If you are within calling range, and your client is not alone, they should stop feeling threatened by an extra person in the room. They should also feel secure that you are still at hand if they need you.

You may be asked to stay in the room, and this is a personal decision. If your breaks are few and far between, then this is a good idea to escape and have some time to yourself.

Final thoughts

Much as you may want to stay and have a chat with the visitor, you would do well to remember that they are visiting your client, not you. If you have become friends with a neighbor then consider meeting them when you go for your break, out of the house and away from your client.

The main reason for unpleasantness when a third person arrives may be because your client feels they are no longer in charge of the situation. They may feel threatened, thinking that the two people are against them. This may cause them to lash out in the only way the can, namely, to be nasty or abusive towards you.

Another reason is because they may have only known you some weeks or months, while the visitor may be someone they have known for years. In instances like this, bear in mind that you will always take a second place and the visitor may also ‘know better than you’ even if they don’t.

Try not to take it personally (easier said than done!), make your client and visitor a cup of tea and then retreat. Come back when they leave and hopefully your client will be back to her normal cheery self with you.

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