If for no other reason than we are all different and don’t all like the same people, there will be a time when you go to your client only to find that the family simply do not take to you.

While it is a horrible situation to find yourself in, there are some things you can do to very subtly change the way things go.

Calm and quiet

Remember that the reason they may not like you is because they are still comparing you to the previous carer who – apparently – could do no wrong! Never try to be like the previous live-in carer, it won’t work. Be yourself, even though you pick up on the bad vibes. Drawing a reaction is just the thing to convince them that they are right to not like you. Stay calm, remember that you do actually know your job, and then do it.

No aggression

While you may be tempted to put your point across to them, better not to do it at this stage. The last thing you need is an argument about the way things are to be done. There will be time for that later. If there is anything at the start that you want to discuss, state your case calmly and clearly and leave things at that. Don’t be the one to start the fight.

Show your confidence

Remember that your agency hired you and sent you there because they knew you could do the job. Do it confidently. Don’t expect praise, just do what you are hired to do.

Don’t apologise all the time

It is not you that has the problem, but them. Unless you have done something wrong, stop saying sorry!

Size up the enemy

In every group there is one person who is the weak link. You will work this out simply by watching them and listening to how they treat each other. You will soon see who is in charge.

The simple addict of ‘divide and conquer’ may work here by getting just one of the family on your side. No need to say anything derogatory about anyone else, but simply being friendly will soon have a positive effect. Once you have won that person over, others will follow.

Smile..and keep smiling

Be friendly to them all. It’s a good thing to remember that the entire family may be in turmoil about their parent who needs live-in care. This can be a very traumatic time for them all.

Wipe that frown off and smile at them. You need to be the one who shows the positive side of the situation. The other thing with smiling is that it is really hard to not smile back! Once a person has actually smiled back at you, the battle is halfway won.

And if they simply do not like you..

Weigh up the pros and cons of the placement. How often will they visit? Can you put up with them once a month, or every day? If you really and truly cannot deal with them, then call your agency and ask to be replaced. Not every placement is going to work out, despite the planning that has gone into it.

Don’t be afraid to admit that you just did not get on with a certain client. Request to be replaced and moved elsewhere. Once you have packed your bags, forget the incident, move on to the next client. The chances are very slim that the same thing will happen again. More than likely you will get along perfectly with the next person and their families. 

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