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The family are mean to their mom – can I intervene?

As you progress along your path as a live-in carer, you will, at one time or another find that you don’t agree or simply dislike the way your client is being treated. Unfortunately, this treatment often comes from family, either as a whole or from one member. It will leave you as the carer feeling not only annoyed but also frustrated and angered that your client is on the receiving end if unpleasantness.

Can you intervene?

Of course, you can. But the question is rather should you intervene? There are some things to be considered if you feel that your client is being badly treated.

Is this abuse?

If you are 100% certain that the way your client is being treated amounts to abuse, then you as a carer must react. You should talk to your agency at once. If you are not with an agency then you need to talk to someone who is outside the circle of family, such as the District Nurse or even the Doctor. Abuse needs to be reported and dealt with before it becomes a danger.

If you don’t think that your client is being abused but simply not respected well and treated in an unpleasant way, there are two ways you can handle this.

Tell your agency

This should be your first port of call. You need to always cover yourself if you are reporting anything like this. Write your feelings down and present them in a factual way, rather than just thoughts. Your agency should then approach the family to discuss the issue with them.

Tell the family

If you are not with an agency you should approach one member of the family – not the person who is unkind to your client. Find another member who can listen to you and deal with the matter. It is always best if this type of complaint comes from another family member instead of the carer. It is not a good idea to approach the person themselves as this will inevitably lead to friction and possibly an argument between the two of you. It will certainly lead to bad feelings all round.

The outcome?

Unfortunately, the family will have the right to make any decision about your complaint, and it is a sad fact that they may rather let you go than right the situation. To set it right means there needs to be a confrontation with the person, which may lead to a family upset. It is far easier to ignore the situation, release the carer from their duty, and replace them with another who is unfamiliar with things.

To sum up

This is very often a ‘no-win’ situation where, if you mention that someone in the family is being nasty to your client, the family will literally gang up on you – and against you. Very seldom will there be an outcome other than to replace the carer, even though you are doing your best.

One thing is sure and that is the fact that people who treat others in a nasty way will mostly do it when they are alone, not in front of others, so staying with your client would give them less opportunity for bad treatment.

If it is not possible to be there, then you will need to decide who you discuss the issue with and whether you are prepared for the outcome, which may be to replace you.

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