In an ideal world, both live-in carers would be completely accepted by their client and life would be peaceful and enjoyable.
In the real world this seldom happens, and live-in carers often find themselves on either end of the spectrum, being either ‘flavor of the month’ or ‘that other person.’
In truth, neither are particularly good places to be because it leaves one carer on the receiving end of gossip about the other person, and the other carer constantly being told just how imperfect they are compared to their counterpart.
Yes, it can. However, it also means that both carers need to be on the same page and honest with each other.
Both carers need to have the same ethic that the health and welfare of the client comes first, but also that the carers are important, and a healthy atmosphere is maintained between themselves and the client.
It is important not to fuel the fire when the client starts to say bad things about the absent carer. This will happen because the carer is not there to defend themselves. It is very unfair and out of order for clients to do this, but it happens all the time.
The best thing to do is to never ‘take the bait’ and add comments to an already toxic conversation. Neither agree nor disagree, try to remain neutral. After all, it is difficult to carry on a conversation when one gets absolutely no response to a comment.
It is also important that you do not side with your client or the other carer. Remaining neutral and unbiased leaves no room for discussion.
Even though you may feel that the client is treating the other carer unfairly, arguing against the client will not do you any favors. In fact, it may even leave you being ousted for being argumentative.
No matter what point you want to discuss about the way the other carer does things, it is never a good idea to do so with your client. All this does is to spark the fire for disparaging comments, and no solid conversation will ensue.
If you need to discuss anything, then send a message to the other carer and talk to them. After all, they are your opposite side and are in the best position to answer your questions.
If you feel that the other carer is constantly being unfairly judged while they are not there then you may need to discuss this with family and see if they can reason with your client about the positive aspects of the other carer – which there will be.
Bear in mind that often when the ‘other carer’ arrives, and after you have left, things may settle down to where you are being discussed, whether it is kind or unkind, and depending on your relationship with her, she may react either way.
As live-in carers we should always back each other up and support each other. If there is any backbiting done then we should to the best of our abilities, try not to take part.
We should strive to treat each other as we want to be treated, and in this often difficult position, be there for each other.
Let’s remember that as a team we can achieve much more than standing on our own. Knowing you have the backing and support of the other carer – and she has yours – means that the job will be a little easier for both carers.
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