When you consider the many different languages in the world it is easy to see how people who do not speak each other’s language can become frustrated when trying to communicate. Having a poor communication method can also be hurtful if the wrong words are used.
For clients who have dementia, language and communication methods are going to become harder as the disease progresses so it is important that we understand what we should and should not say to our clients with dementia.
People with dementia may have difficulties recalling the correct words. They may become frustrated because they cannot answer a question. It is also a well-known fact that asking too many questions of a person with dementia may cause them to become aggressive. This is because they do not know the answer to your question and feel inadequate.
So, what things should we never say to a client with dementia?
‘I’ve told you that before..’
Your dementia client may not even realise that they have asked you the same question a few minutes ago. Seeing you becoming frustrated with the same question does your client no good at all. All it does when you tell them that they are repeating themselves is to remind them of their problem.
Try to be patient and understanding, even if you seem to be answering the same question several times.
‘Remember when..?’
Asking a direct question like this will simply result in your dementia client becoming frustrated and possibly distraught as it may remind them of painful memories and loved ones they have lost. Occasionally people with dementia may become aggressive when they do not know the answers to questions because it leaves them feeling threatened.
Instead of asking your client if they remember things, try starting by saying that ‘I remember when..’ and let them participate as they please.
‘What did you eat this morning?’
Open ended questions often make people with dementia feel stressed as they may not remember what they ate or did even though it is only a few hours before. As the disease progresses, they may forget what the word ‘eat’ means and not know what you mean. This makes for a stressful time for your client.
Try to rather ask questions (if you must ask them) that have a definitive answer such as ‘would you like a cup of tea?’
‘Let’s get ready to go to the hairdresser and afterwards we can go into the coffee shop for lunch.’
Statements like this are far to long for your client to comprehend. Stick to short sentences that require only a small amount of processing for your client. The same goes for routine care such as showering or bathing. Keep sentences short and to the point so that your client does not become confused. Sentences like ‘let’s get into the car now’ will be easy to understand.
‘Can I help you with that, love?’
Using words like ‘love’, ‘dear’ and ‘honey’ can sometimes be perceived as patronising to a person with dementia. They may feel as if you are treating them as a child.
Instead you may want to use their name when you address them. The same goes for such local terms of endearment such as ‘matey’, ‘sweetie’ and toots.’ Keep away from these as they are far too familiar for a dementia client to be comfortable with.
Don’t remind them that a sibling has died
You may find that your dementia client talks about their sibling or parents as if they were still alive. You know that they have passed away, but your client still thinks they are there. Never tell them that their loved one has died. This will either depress your client or make them aggressive as they will perceive you to be lying.
In closing
You should try as best you can to avoid a confrontation with a person who has dementia. Arguments should always be avoided as you will always lose, and you may find yourself frustrated.
Your client with dementia is living in a completely different world to you, one that you may never enter, but with good communication you can try to be a part of their life and ensure that they are as content as possible while you are with them.
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