With live-in care placements carers often need to ask questions of the client to find out their likes, dislikes, worries and fears. It sometimes seems as if we spend the day asking questions about things, so finding ourselves in a position where questions are not the best idea may be an alien situation to many.
Asking a person with dementia questions can have an adverse effect on them because they may become distressed or even aggressive.
If we remember that often a person with dementia will not remember what they ate the previous day, when they are asked questions and cannot answer they may become agitated and confused.
While your dementia client may know the answer to some questions there are others that you may not want to ask them or even say to them.
No one likes to be told that they are wrong about things and with a dementia client it is important to let them save face. For this reason, it is better not to correct them if they are wrong, or even contradict them.
Depending on the stage of the disease they may be aware that they have made a mistake, but still may not appreciate being corrected.
Starting an argument with a person who has dementia is never a good idea, primarily because you will never win. Secondly, it may upset them and make them angry, and this is never a good thing with a dementia client.
Rather than start an argument, you would be well advised to simply change the subject to something pleasant that they will enjoy discussing. This way they will often be distracted and forget about the disagreement.
’What did you have for breakfast, where did you go yesterday, this is Peter, do you remember him?’ All these are questions that your dementia client may not remember the answers to. This is why they have been diagnosed with dementia as recent brain cells start to die and the short-term memory deteriorates.
A better way to phrase this would be to say ’I remember that we had apple pie on Sunday, and it was delicious.’
It is very common for people with dementia to believe that their departed spouse, parents, siblings, and friends are still alive and just not there right now. They may feel confused or hurt that the person does not come to visit anymore and will react badly sometimes if you tell them that the person passed away many years ago.
They may not believe you and start to argue about this, or worse, become angry with you because they do not believe you. Even if they do believe you, this sort of news could upset them badly and soon after they will go back to believing that the person is still alive, just not with them.
Possibly the only exception to this is if your client asks you about the person. You may want to give them an honest answer, although they may soon forget it and talk about something else.
If you and your client do not agree on a certain subject, it is best to avoid it altogether. Politics are a classic example and in cases like this you should just not bring the subject up.
Again, this is an argument you will never win, and it can escalate to aggressiveness, frustration, and anger.
Depending on the stage of the disease, your client may be able to hold a reasonable conversation with you. It is important that you give them time to process any information and time to respond.
While you may feel uncomfortable with the pauses between responses, they should be given enough time to respond. Also important is that you let them finish their own sentence, rather than assuming you know what your client is going to say.
Equally important is body language. You should be as close to your client as you are both comfortable with so that they can easily hear you. Eye level is a good idea rather than being above them.
Remember that if your own body language is relaxed and comfortable your client will also be at ease.
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