In an ideal world, a live-in carer should be offered a placement by the agency which would give the carer a fulfilling job and possibly be the start of an ongoing position. This unfortunately does not always happen for every live-in carer.
There are many reasons why we accept positions that are offered to us, even though we may not be entirely happy with the conditions. Often during the holiday season, agencies are very short of carers and rely on every carer they have to offer to work over the holiday period.
Many times, a carer has accepted a placement and regretted it, for whatever reason. This could be anything from feeling guilty for leaving your family, guilt about letting the agency down, and even simply because you may really need the extra pay packet at that time.
Whatever the reason for accepting work, you may also find that you have accepted a placement that you are simply not happy with, and yet cannot cancel without repercussions.
One of the instances that may make you feel the position is ‘all wrong’ is if you find out after accepting it that the outgoing carer has made references to harassment from a client or spouse.
Sexual harassment is always an issue
Just because your client is older and suffers from dementia or Parkinson’s Disease, this may not preclude him from making unwanted advances to you.
Bear in mind that your client may have been living on his own for several years and now has a female carer who attends to his needs. You truly may be seen as ‘fair game.’
Now, we must be honest and say that not every male client will pose this threat. In fact, you may very well go through your entire live-in care career and never have any issues with this type of harassment. On the other hand, be aware that it does happen and make sure you are aware of it.
Carer abuse
On initial training, we are always taught about client abuse – and there are many different types of this, as we know. However, there is also a situation where the carer may be abused, and sexual harassment is one such case.
What can we do?
If you have not started to take notes, then you should do so right away. Remember that unless it is written down, it has not happened. You need to make notes of every incident.
You also need to tell someone, preferably your agency and family. You need to do this so that you are covered should things get out of hand.
For simple sexual suggestions, a gentle warning from the carer may be all that it takes to keep things ‘in line.’ However, be aware that unless things are kept in place, they will always continue and possibly get worse.
Insist on a lock on your door
While you should have this when you arrive, it is often not the case and you may very well find that there is no lock, and your client/family are reluctant to place one there. If there is any doubt in your mind, then this is something you need to talk about.
Keep an arm’s length away
If you are there to take care of one partner and the other partner makes inappropriate moves towards to, you need to learn how to keep them a distance from you.
There should never be an opportunity for them to touch you, no matter how friendly the gesture may seem. You need to ensure that you are never caught in a corner or placed in a room where you cannot get out.
You can quit...
If you have warned your client or their spouse that the behaviour is unacceptable, and a gentle warning has not helped, you are well within your rights to leave.
If you do intend to take this action, then you must first speak to your agency, to at least give them time to decide what plan they will follow.
You should certainly speak to the next of kin/family and inform them about your plan so that they can also make alternative arrangements.
If things get out of hand?
If at any time you fear for your own safety, you need to get yourself to a safe place and call the police right away.
Never be tempted to try to handle things like violence and aggression on your own.
Remember that if you are injured by an aggressive person, you may find yourself unable to work.
Final thoughts
Sexual harassment should never be tolerated in any workplace so if you find yourself in this position – even if nothing ‘bad’ has happened, make sure you document your opinions, talk to someone, and plan on what to do about it afterwards.
The bottom line is that if your gut feeling says that something is not right with a placement, then you are probably right, and even if you desperately need to work, you may be better off declining that placement rather than placing yourself in danger.
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