Some people will say that the secret to surviving a career as a live-in carer is to pace oneself and take rest when it is needed.
Many live -in carers arrive from other countries and work long periods before returning home. It is not uncommon for some carers to work up to six months at a placement before returning home. Little wonder then that many live-in carers are not only tired, but physically and mentally exhausted.
Even with regular daily breaks and the occasional day off, it is possible that a career in live-in care leaves one emotionally and physically wiped out.
Sometimes a live-in carer will be aware that they need a break but is prevented from taking it because the family are in denial about the importance of stepping away from a situation.
You may feel guilty – accept it
Guilt comes as a normal part of caring, particularly long-term live-in care. Leaving a client for extended periods may mean that you never get a day or two off when it is sorely needed.
You may find yourself thinking that other people could not give your client the same care as you do. This is particularly relevant when family offer to take care of their loved one for a few days.
You may truly believe that they cannot do the job as well as you can, and while in many cases this may be true, you should accept that they will never intentionally harm their parent.
Unless all your arrangements are made with your client, not next of kin or family, try not to involve your client in your plans for a break. Many older people will feel uncomfortable with a new person arriving for a few days.
In cases where your client has Dementia, thinking and reacting rationally may not happen. They may simply become more confused and uncomfortable with the idea.
When a client refuses to discuss your needs, they are not thinking of you, they are thinking of themselves and why they prefer you to remain with them. Whether you need a break, and how you go about getting it, is a decision you and only you should make.
Accept that it may take time for an agency to find a replacement carer for a few days, or the family to arrange to stay while you take a break. Give them some notice that you need a break and if possible, some time to set wheels in motion.
You could ask the replacement to arrive a few days early to shadow you for a few hours. This way your client will meet them while you are still there, and the transition will be easier.
Having a friend stop in each morning for a cup of tea may help your client feel comfortable with your absence.
Arrange for family to visit a little more frequently and share the load while you take a break. Even grandchildren (in small doses) can help to keep your client entertained while you are away.
Do this with the respite carer on the proviso that you are only contacted in situations where your help is needed. It is not necessary for you to be contacted twice a day for an update.
Remember that this is your time off and you need to rest, not constantly be on the phone about mundane things which can be handled without you.
As a long-term live-in carer, it is vitally important that you take care of yourself. You are no help to your client if you are exhausted and cannot do your job properly.
If you feel that you need a break, then talk to your agency, family and next of kin to start arranging things before you are completely wiped out. Sooner rather than later is best.
Head out somewhere and take a good break. Catch up with your own friends and family, meet new people, and most importantly, rest. This way you will return refreshed and in a more focused frame of mind.
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