It’s a lovely thought for live-in carers to think that the family knows what you are doing for mum and they are truly grateful. Sometimes, this does not seem to be the case.

Not only do they not seem to be particularly bothered about the carer, but they also really don’t seem to care about your client!

The longer you stay and care for their mum, the more you realize that they seldom call and when they do visit, they seem to be in and out in no time at all.

While you may be able to turn a blind eye, it is very possible that the person you are caring for is fully aware of these things. In many cases your client will even make excuses to you as to why they never see their families.

Can we do anything about this?

Most definitely this is a horrible situation to find yourself in, particularly when your client is aware of things.

The most important thing you can do is to stay neutral. While your most natural instinct may be to side with your client against their family, you should never do this.

The age old saying ‘never interfere in a domestic argument, because you will end up in it’ has never rung truer than in this situation.

If you side with your client, against her family, even if they are doing wrong, she will sooner or later end up being angry at you. She will defend her family to the hilt, even though it hurts her when they do not call or visit.

Your client will make every excuse under the sun as to why they don’t visit or call. You will hear it all – they are busy, they work hard, their children need care – and the list will go on.

On the other hand, if you side with the family and appear to defend them to your client about why they are not visiting or calling, she will surely become angry with you. You will find yourself in a very precarious situation as it can easily damage the relationship you have with your client.

If you feel strongly that the family could come and visit more often or at least call occasionally, you may try to tactfully suggest to them that mom looks forward to their visits.

Unfortunately, suggestions are all that you should try because any other intervention may be considered a threat.

Believe it or not, there are some instances where the family do not want to visit. While they want their relative to be taken care off, they simply do not want any more contact than that.  

Final thoughts

It is a sad thing that not every family feels the same way about their relative as you do, and unfortunately there are some things that you are better leaving alone.

What you can do is to stay focused on your job, taking care of your client as best you can, and leave the family to sort things out themselves.

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