It's a wonderfully warm and fuzzy feeling for a live-in carer to think that the family regards him or her as one of them, part of the family and a special person. The reality is very different to this idea.
In an ideal world, the live-in carer may very well be a special person, but in the real world this may not be the case, no matter how much we perceive it to be.
Truthfully, every client and family is different so you may never be able to completely accurately measure how much you mean to the family. However, you will have a pretty good idea when you need to ask a favour such as extra time off, or a different schedule.
The reality of live-in care is that the next of kin, or family, have arranged home care for their loved one, and that is what they expect. If one carer cannot step up to the plate, then they will find another one who can.
Family and next of kin want a system in place where they can carry on with their own lives, knowing that their loved one is in safe hands all the time. They want to visit when it is convenient and then leave to carry on with their own lives, so it is important that there is someone in place at all times.
What they don’t want is to have to spend time altering schedules, visiting at inconvenient times, adjusting their own lives so that the live-in carer is accommodated.
Now, while this seems a harsh thing to say, the bottom line is that live-in carers are expendable, no matter how much the family likes them.
After a client has passed away, the house cleaned, the kitchen tidied up and any paperwork taken care of, the live-in carer will find that the family or next of kin are happy for them to leave, even without a further placement.
While they may even give a monetary bonus after a death, that is normally as far as things will go. If you are really lucky, you may be offered a lift to the station rather than taking a taxi, but that is normally as far as things will go.
It’s a great thought that the family will keep in touch after the carer has left, but the truth is that they most likely will not. You will not get a postcard from them on their holiday and they are unlikely to look you up when they pass your hometown.
Once the live- in carer’s time has ended at a placement, there will possibly never be any further contact again, either with client or family. Someone else will take that place and fill the gap which is left, and while there may be a few waves in the beginning, things will smooth over and a routine set in place – without you.
No one likes to think that they are not appreciated, liked and special, but the harsh reality of this situation is that the carer is only important when they are there. Once they have left, another will fill the place, and both the client and family will move on with their lives.
This situation can either make or break the carer, emotionally. It is hard to think that we are simply not important all the time, but a smart carer will think things through and come to the conclusion that they too have their own life, one which we may not want a client or family to share.
The longer you are working in live-in care, the more likely it is that this will happen to you and you will find yourself doubting your own self esteem.
Cry if you need, talk to your own family and friends and then make a decision to move on with your own life.
Bearing in mind that once you have left a placement, and are not returning, you may never hear from the family again. If you need a reference from a family member, then ask for it before you leave.
Likewise, if the family are the ones who pay your wages directly into your bank, make sure that you have it when you leave.
Funeral arrangements tend to take precedence over the existing carer and their pay, and some families are happy to pay after the carer has left, making it almost impossible to follow up any discrepancies.
Finally, it is a good thing to try to keep a positive attitude after leaving. Tell yourself that you have done the best you can, boost your own self esteem, and remind yourself that live-in care is a very demanding job which not everyone can do.
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