While it may be stressful taking care of our clients, most live-in carers face all sorts of adversity and challenges in a positive way. We simply handle things as they come, and make sure that we do the best we can for our clients.
Carers even manage when clients are admitted to hospital, making arrangements to visit them and prepare the home for when they return.
One situation which may leave you with feelings you don’t know how to handle is when the family decide that it is time for mom to be moved to a care home.
Why do we feel so bad about this?
There are reasons for those negative feelings so let’s look at them.
Guilt
It is perfectly normal to feel guilty when your client is moved into a care home. You may well think that you have contributed in some way to this decision.
Even if things have been going along well, there may still be a decision to move your client and you may feel guilty about it.
While the family will have their reasons, it is important that as the carer, you do not blame yourself for this decision.
No matter what you did or did not do, the family were probably in the process of opting for a care home. In effect, you have had nothing to do with their course of action.
Families may decide to take this path for several reasons, which mostly will not even factor you into them.
It may be financially better for them. While the basic live-in care fees are comparable to a care home, once your client starts to constantly call you at night, things begin to change.
Night calls may leave the family thinking that one carer simply cannot manage alone, and a second carer may be considered.
This almost doubles the amount of money they need to pay. A care home, then may be the better solution. It works out cheaper and there is always more than one carer at hand, no matter how many night calls take place.
This may be where you have considered if you really should charge for every night call, and if you did, then was it your invoice that tipped the scale.
You should never feel this way. If your agency has a policy on night calls, how many and how much, you should stick to it. The following carer will not thank you for leaving her to take care of night calls with no remuneration, no matter how much you like your client.
Inadequacy
Here’s another negative feeling you might feel after your client leaves.
‘Was I not good enough?’ and ‘did I not do enough?’ are some questions you may ask.
If you have done your job to the best of your ability (as we certainly try to) then you need to accept that the decision had little to do with your performance as carer.
How do I deal with this?
In an ideal world our clients would never be moved into care homes. We would take care of them until the end, which would be calm and peaceful..
This is not an ideal world, as we all know. As a live-in carer we should expect change to happen because it will. Clients will deteriorate, things will change, they will eventually pass away with or without you.
Staying positive is the key to coping with those negative feelings. Accept the fact that change is inevitable and that you will always move on somewhere.
By telling yourself that you are not the cause for your client to go into a care home and accepting that the decision was never yours to make, will be a start in the right direction.
To sum up
Accept and believe that you have done your best, given your client the best care and attention you could, and handled things in the best possible way. Also agree with yourself that the decision was never yours to make.
No matter what you said or did, the family was going to take this course of action.
Now is the time to say a fond farewell to your client and their family and take your leave. Believe that you will do your best at your next placement and then move on.
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