It may seem that as a live in-carer you are seeing more clients with Dementia than ever before. This is unfortunately true.

Right now, in the UK, there are about 850,000 people with Dementia, and this is expected to rise to 1.6 million by 2040. This means that 1 in 6 people over the age of 80 in the UK have Dementia. Little wonder then, that it seems like all your clients have this condition!

Dementia manifests itself in many different guises and changes constantly depending on the person. There is no set pattern for the way your client may act and react. Some people are calm and docile the entire path of Dementia while others may become violent and aggressive.

Simply because there are so many people with this condition now, it is likely that you may find yourself caring for a client who is aggressive and even violent.

When does it all get too much?

As a live-in carer for a client with Dementia one of the things you can expect is repetition. You will be asked the same question repeatedly. After the first few times you will start to realize the way the mind works and have your answer ready. While it may become tedious for you, it is good that you have found a reply which answers that question.

The problem starts when you give the incorrect answer. This can lead to anger and aggression towards you, your client may even throw things and verbally abuse you.

While we expect a certain amount of ‘bad behavior’ with dementia, we would not want it to become a part of everyday life. This will place you under immense stress to keep things calm. 

Signs that it is getting to much for you:

• You are ‘weepy’ – even a kind gesture from a neighbor may bring tears to your eyes. You may find yourself tearing up for no good reason at all.
• You are more impatient than you used to be – most carers are patient people, this is why we are good at our job. It takes a lot to upset us and we tend to be on an even keel most of the time.
• You are simply ‘not you’ – this is a time to be honest with yourself. You know your character better than anyone else. If you find that you are more negative than normal, or that you are not looking on the bright side as much as you used to do, things may be getting too much for you.

What to do?

It is vitally important that if you feel you are under too much pressure, you talk to someone. If the family is in contact, call them and let them know that things are getting too much.

You should certainly call your agency, even though this might look as if you are not doing your job. Don’t think of it as a weakness to ask for help because it is not so.

If there is a friend or neighbor close by who can come and visit for an hour it may give you time to get your head back together again.

Contact the doctor. He may be able to adjust the medication to a point where your client is more relaxed and calmer.

For you to do your job well you need to be in the best mental state you can. When Dementia - and all that it brings – gets too much for you, you need to share the load. 

Final thoughts

Dementia is a cruel mistress, she respects no-one. Not only is your client affected, so are the family and so are you.

While family can go away and return another time, you are with your client every minute of the day. It is not surprising that things will get on top of you – don’t be too proud to ask for help.

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