Having a client die is traumatic at the best of times. Family and friends will all be around, and it may seem as if there is simply no time for the quiet and solitude you need, particularly if you have been with your client until the end.
As a live-in carer you may see yourself playing two completely different roles. You may be grieving yourself, while simultaneously comforting family and friends.
You may find yourself in the position of asking how you grieve the loss of your client. How do you honour their memory, and where do you turn for support?
If you are to survive the death of a client, you will find that you need emotional support of some kind. This will vary with each carer/client relationship and can be a traumatic experience for some.
Where do you turn?
Your friends and family
While they may not fully understand the complexity of your relationship with your client, they can support you by simply letting you talk about your loss.
Family of your client
Even though they may be dealing with the loss themselves you may find that they set aside time to hear your thoughts and support you. Most people are sympathetic to other people’s feelings when it comes to death.
Your agency
If you work through an agency, you will have been assigned a support group, where you can air grievances, ask questions, and ask for help. Sometimes just talking to another person is a comfort.
What about your feelings?
With the death of a client, you will find that there may not simply be positive and negative feelings. You may find yourself confused, angry, guilty, and even relieved.
If you have been with your client, watching them suffer through pain and anguish, and finally having them pass away, it is perfectly normal for you to be relieved, and you should not feel guilty about this odd emotion.
You could find that you are angry because you feel more could have been done to make your client comfortable and pain-free at the end of life.
You might also feel guilty because you did not spend every minute with them as they were approaching the end of their life.
These are all normal feelings. In fact, even with clients who are difficult and hard to work with, you will still feel emotional when they die.
Take time for yourself
Even though you may be asked to ‘be there’ for family, it is important that you find some time for yourself. Spend a little time alone, go for a walk, sit in the garden, do anything that gives you some privacy.
And with family..
· Be present – but don’t try to fix things.
· Offer positive advice such as ‘tell me if there is anything you need.’
· Encourage and then listen. Family and friends may have stories which they want to share. This is a great way to ease pain and you can simply be there and listen for them to know you care.
· Be genuine. Saying you know how they feel may sound insincere, in fact, you may not know how they feel at all! Don’t assume they feel sad, angry, or confused.
· Create a safe place for them. Family will appreciate it if you set aside a room, such as the sitting room for their use only. If they want to withdraw they can do so with no interruptions.
Final thoughts
The longer you stay in the field of live-in care, the more likely you are going to be with a client when they pass away. Trying to be mentally prepared for this event may help you when they do die, although it will still be a huge shock to you.
Try to be kind to yourself, do not set yourself up for failure by planning on things which you simply cannot deliver. If you need help with arrangements, then be sure to ask.
Take time for yourself. Remember that it is perfectly natural to grieve, and you have a right to look after yourself at this time.
Talking can halve the burden and may help you ease the pain. If you feel you need to cry then do it and have no guilty feelings about it.
More importantly, let yourself heal in your own time. You will heal - and with healing comes memories for you to cherish for many years.
Tags:
© 2025 EJOBBOARD LTD. All Rights Reserved.